I was surfing TV the other day when I realized that even an avid tv watcher like me was unable to find something worth watching. This despite the 100 channels that my local cable provder promised me as the A - Z of entertainment. I dont know about entertainment but I did get down to writing my own A - Z of current television watching
A is for Anandi , the extremely irritating girl who got replaced by an even more irritating girl in the most irritating serial of all times
B is for Bindaas or as they call it India's no 1 youth channel. Ya sure if all the youth care about is horrible shows which are so obviously scripted the only qualification criteria is a negative IQ
C is for CID , Indias longest running crime show where every case is solved in 50 mins . The only one they have not managed to solve is why after 15 years of making funny faces has ACP Pradyuman not been promoted
D is for Dadagiri a show that is anchored by a dude who refers to himself as Vishal the Beast. If that itself was not enough,the show also features men and women who lack everything from intelligence to charisma to looks competing against each other in inane tasks
E is for Ektaa Kapoor, the lady responsible for 80 % of the nonsense in the name of daily soaps that is served nowadays
F is for Family, the large parivar that TV channel depicts. Typically consists of 1 old and oppressed grandfather , one strict mother in law who may or may not have been reincarnated , a sweet and suffering daughter in law , a wuss husband , two irritating children and a very vampish sister in in law
G is for Gaana Bajaana a thing that music channels have ignored for really horrid reality shows
H is for HD, the newest way to watch really crappy tv - Very clear , Very loud and Very Very Very Boring
I is for India TV, Indias most enterntaining fiction channel ever. I strongly recommend it to all the sceptics that dont believe the reason for the dwindling cow population today is linked to spaceships beaming these creatures into their deep caverns
J is for Joy , a thing that you do not see when you watch TV today
K is for Koffee with Karan , interesting for the first two seasons but an epic fail in season 3
L is for Lwhich is passing you by as you stare into the nothingness of the tv
M is for Mother India or the suffering Matriarch of every family
N is for Numbness or what your brain feels after watching 10 mins of TV
O is for Oppressed as in all the poor people in the tv shows about child marriage , female feticide etc - basically anyone on TV between 9 and 10 at night
P is for Punar Janam or something a show called "Raaz pichle Janam ke" woud have you believe exists. Apparently you lie down on a table and start remembering that in your last life you were a thakur while ready extras come and enact this piece for the audience on tv
Q is for Quit watching this crap
R is for Roadies a show where you take the most absurdly wierd youngsters you can find an let them fight with each other while two bald french bearded men shout their lungs out
S is for Svayamwar or more particularly Rakhee ka Svayamwar a show that among other absurd things tried to project Rakhee Sawant as a demure and coy lady
T is for Teri Maa%^&#*((*&(*((&& Words that you hear on every channel today. The more the words , the better the TRP
U is for Underwear or more specifically the code word for watching FTV after 1 AM at night
V is for Channel V a channel that is so confused about its identity that it spends all its time pretending to be something that it is not i.e. entertaining
X is for (e)X movie stars who now find it necessary to come onto TV to earn a living
Y is for Yenna Rascala , words that would be uttered every time you surf the television and end up on a channel from the South of India
Z is for ZZZZZ or what you would rather do instead of watching this crap
