In my last post , I had mentioned some of the scenes which I thought everyone should see. However in my eagerness to put pen to paper , I think I have missed out possibly one of the greatest scenes ever. While flicking through channels , I had caught an old classic favourite of mine on TV the other day. After watching the movie, both me and my wife had agreed that if there was ever a scene which needed to be added to the list it was this one. The name of the movie was CLERK and it had an ensemble cast - Rekha , Shashi Kapoor , Prem Chopra and of course the writer and director of the greatest scene ever - Manoj Kumar.
Clerk will probably go down in the annals of Indian film history as the greatest comedy ever. That it was intended as a satirical discourse on the state of government clerks is a fact that has not dawned onto anyone till now. Moreover having witnessed the first hand reaction of several people watching this movie , I would have to say that it will continue to remain one of the worlds best kept secrets.
Manoj Kumar plays an honest clerk called Bharat in the movie who lives in dire straits. His father ably played by Ashok Kumar an ex member of the Indian National Army is suffering from a heart attack and this morbid unsettling environment leads possibly the greatest miracle ever. It also ends up putting in jeopardy the profession of cardiologists the world over into extinction. As expected ,the greedy doctor refuses to visit the house of the poor clerk whereupon Manoj Kumar says "Inka ilaaj mere paas hai " While you wonder that perhaps the clerk doubles up as a heart surgeon at night , the young and energetic Bhartat pulls out two batteries from his pocket. He also says that main battery ke cell (pronounced shell) le ke aaya hoon. If that is not enough while his father is writhing painfull on the bed , MK proceeds to insert the cell into a cassette player and it starts playing kadam kadam badha ke chal. Slowly but surely Ashok Kumar starts moving his hands and legs to the beat of the song. He then proceeds to sit straight up on his bed while stomping his feet on the floor as if he is practicing for the parade in front of the prime minister . If that was not enough he punctuates the marching steps with beating his heart (yes the very one that was gasping about 30 seconds ago) with his fist. While you sit watching the resurrection open mouthed , our now recovered INA soldier proceeds to walk without support to the cassette player and stops it proudly proclaiming "Ab maing Gaoonga". If that was not enough we are treated to 5 Ashok Kumars ( why why why ?) all breaking into an open throated rendition of the same song.
Now I was not very good in biology ever but even I think this is just taking things a bit too far. I mean music being a soother is one thing but music becoming the one thing that converts people lying half dead into chest thumping ,happy go lucky singers is just another.
For those of you who have missed this scene, fear not. I am attaching the link to the video below.
Clerk - Modern Cinema's Second greatest Movie
PS - If you have not seen this movie , it is my sincere advice to catch it.
PPS - Gunda is still the greatest movie ever.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Of Scenes and Movies - Part I
Well I just saw this program on TV which mentioned the top ten scenes which one must see. Of course that got me thinking. Most people would have seen these nice scenes. What we need is a list of scenes which most people have not seen till now but should see. Of course given my ability to watch anything and I do mean anything on TV , I have decided to share my immense knowledge in this field. So without further ado , here is the list of scenes which you definitely have not seen and the reasons why you should see them
Super honourable mention - Gunda - I know i mentioned scenes but it is hard to pick a single scene from this classic. The most apt description of the movie i have heard is that there are only two type of people in this world- those who have seen Gunda and those who will see Gunda. The movie is the Indian adaptation of Kill Bill with possibly the most mesmerising cast of villains ever. Given that there are so many villains , the director ensures that you do not forget any of the characters. The villains proceed to give introductory sentences with which rhyme with the contemporary and well thought out names. Sample the well written dialogues
Lambu Atta – “Deta hoon maut ka chaanta”
Bulla – “Sab karta hoon khullam khulla”
Pote – “Jo apne baap ke bhi nahi hote”
Ibu Hatela – “Maa meri chudail ki beti, Baap shaitan ka chela, Kyon? Khaayega Kela?”
Every scene and I really mean every scene is an instant classic. After killing Bulla and thus bringing an end to the greatest movie ever made , Mithun says "Tera naam hai Bulla. Maut ke baad bhi reh jaayega tera mooh khulla. Yaaeeeessh". I am sure most people think I am exaggerating. Fear not - Some great people have loaded the entire movie on the web . Take a look and believe me , you will not regret it.
Gunda
Singing Superheroes - Currently superheroes are the in thing. With Drona (which I hope will contribute greatly to many such similar posts in the future), I hear people talking about how finally in India the superhero craze has started. Well I would like to inform people that there were many forward looking and intelligent directors in India who had understood the popularity of this genre long ago. In the late eighties / early nineties came a movie that has changed the way people the world over view superheroes. The movie in case would be a social family drama called Dariya Dil . Most of you would be wondering where superheroes would be figuring in a family drama but then this is why we watch hindi movies. The director well aware of the soaring popularity of superheroes has put in a song where the hero and heroine for no reason whatsoever decide to don super hero outfits and start dancing on an imaginary glass plate conviniently fitted in the sky. I kid you not. The song begins with spectacular special effects where Govinda and Kimi Katkar dressed as Superman and Spiderwoman seem to be lying flat in the sky (yes i wrote in the sky) and the city of Mumbai keeps revolving around them What I would also like to mention is the directors attention to detail. I don't think there is a super heroine who dons Spiderman's outfit without the mask and thus while Kimi proudly croons "Tu mera Superman" , all poor Govinda can say is "Tu meri Mary". Of course that does get me thinking -why Mary - Why not Lois ? or Lana ? or something else for Christs sake...
Superman Mania
Animal Lover - This scene is one of my favourite ones. I remember someone sending it to me in office and I almost fell off my chair due to the sheer greatness of the scene. The scene begins with an amazing sequence where a cheetah is chasing a deer. However just when u think that the deer will be dead meat (literally) , you see a portly young(?) man entering the frame. The PYM then proceeds to overtake the cheetah , pick up the deer and run out of the frame and no I am not exaggarating. The scene unfolds in front of your eyes in just the manner described above.
Save the animals
The man who defied power - Captain Vijaykanth (of above PYM Fame) - Electricity - Shock -Narasimha -Nuff said .....
Mr. Power
Well i hope you enjoyed these scenes. I do have some more which I will post in a subsequent post. Do drop in comments in case you liked this.
Super honourable mention - Gunda - I know i mentioned scenes but it is hard to pick a single scene from this classic. The most apt description of the movie i have heard is that there are only two type of people in this world- those who have seen Gunda and those who will see Gunda. The movie is the Indian adaptation of Kill Bill with possibly the most mesmerising cast of villains ever. Given that there are so many villains , the director ensures that you do not forget any of the characters. The villains proceed to give introductory sentences with which rhyme with the contemporary and well thought out names. Sample the well written dialogues
Lambu Atta – “Deta hoon maut ka chaanta”
Bulla – “Sab karta hoon khullam khulla”
Pote – “Jo apne baap ke bhi nahi hote”
Ibu Hatela – “Maa meri chudail ki beti, Baap shaitan ka chela, Kyon? Khaayega Kela?”
Every scene and I really mean every scene is an instant classic. After killing Bulla and thus bringing an end to the greatest movie ever made , Mithun says "Tera naam hai Bulla. Maut ke baad bhi reh jaayega tera mooh khulla. Yaaeeeessh". I am sure most people think I am exaggerating. Fear not - Some great people have loaded the entire movie on the web . Take a look and believe me , you will not regret it.
Gunda
Singing Superheroes - Currently superheroes are the in thing. With Drona (which I hope will contribute greatly to many such similar posts in the future), I hear people talking about how finally in India the superhero craze has started. Well I would like to inform people that there were many forward looking and intelligent directors in India who had understood the popularity of this genre long ago. In the late eighties / early nineties came a movie that has changed the way people the world over view superheroes. The movie in case would be a social family drama called Dariya Dil . Most of you would be wondering where superheroes would be figuring in a family drama but then this is why we watch hindi movies. The director well aware of the soaring popularity of superheroes has put in a song where the hero and heroine for no reason whatsoever decide to don super hero outfits and start dancing on an imaginary glass plate conviniently fitted in the sky. I kid you not. The song begins with spectacular special effects where Govinda and Kimi Katkar dressed as Superman and Spiderwoman seem to be lying flat in the sky (yes i wrote in the sky) and the city of Mumbai keeps revolving around them What I would also like to mention is the directors attention to detail. I don't think there is a super heroine who dons Spiderman's outfit without the mask and thus while Kimi proudly croons "Tu mera Superman" , all poor Govinda can say is "Tu meri Mary". Of course that does get me thinking -why Mary - Why not Lois ? or Lana ? or something else for Christs sake...
Superman Mania
Animal Lover - This scene is one of my favourite ones. I remember someone sending it to me in office and I almost fell off my chair due to the sheer greatness of the scene. The scene begins with an amazing sequence where a cheetah is chasing a deer. However just when u think that the deer will be dead meat (literally) , you see a portly young(?) man entering the frame. The PYM then proceeds to overtake the cheetah , pick up the deer and run out of the frame and no I am not exaggarating. The scene unfolds in front of your eyes in just the manner described above.
Save the animals
The man who defied power - Captain Vijaykanth (of above PYM Fame) - Electricity - Shock -Narasimha -Nuff said .....
Mr. Power
Well i hope you enjoyed these scenes. I do have some more which I will post in a subsequent post. Do drop in comments in case you liked this.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Wedding Season Part 1
I had attended a wedding of a friend of mine in Delhi recently. It bought back good memories of all the Punju weddings which I had attended over the last 29 (ye gods I am old) years. In fact about two years ago , I had written this small series on Punju weddings which I am putting down here.
** Disclaimer - I am Punju myself and I love all things Punjabi. This is just a humorous version and no offence is meant to any community ( I am writing this because there was a person from Canada who had actually threatened griveous harm to me when he had read another version of this).
So without Further ado...
Most punju weddings start with one of these song and dance functions which is imaginatively tilted THE SANGEET. This is the best opportunity for failed actors and dancers to make their presence felt. Shakespeare once said all the world’s a stage but I don't think he had ever realised that people at Punju weddings would take his words this literally.
Major actors present are a bua who has deemed it fit that she will anchor the proceedings with her amazingly sweet voice (that her voice sounds like the mating call of frogs will of course never dawn on her); Another maami(aka aunty sumo wrestler) who has decided that her aim in life is to drag unsuspecting poor people from the crowd and force them to dance and finally aunty drum beater( who will henceforth be referred to as aunty tribal dance for obvious reasons) . There is also another character kown as the spoon beater (unique to punju weddings) whose only job is to hit the dholak with a spoon. Coincidentally this person is tone deaf so what one does get to hear is clang clang without any semblance of a beat whatsoever.
Funnily enough the dancers are divided into 2 lots the aunties and the uncles. The aunties are most eager to dance but the uncles somehow feel more inclined to spend some time with Mr. Johnny Walker. So we have to endure the half hour where the females try to get the males close to the stage so that the function can start.The main idea of the function is to dance at the joyous occasion.
Of course before the dancing we are treated to a fantastic bit of acting by the dude/aunty in question where they say that "no no I don’t wanna dance …. Not me ,,, I cant dance" ( when it is more than apparent that the only thing which they want to do at that time is dance ). Once on stage most people seem to beleive that it is their screen test for the Oscars and they make sure that they put in the performance of a lifetime. Once the person in question comes on stage then his / her ownly aim is to show the audience aerobics, javelin throwing and frisbee catching all in one.
The songs, which are chosen at these occassions, are also keeping in tune with the solemn and sombre occasion. How can I forget the dude who decided to dance to the song "tu cheez badi hai mast mast" to tell his to be wife how mcuh he liked her. Other songs which I have heard are baazigar main baazigar (please please tell me the need for this song) mumbhai (duh ) kallu mama …. Man I can go on and on. Oh yes we will also have the mandatory daler mahendi song where everyone will be forced on to stage and be asked to shake a leg. For this song you will be dragged on stage in all probability by a drunk dude whom yu have never ever met after he will tell yu "bete mere nal tohnoo nachni hi hoga" and then he will proceed to show yu fine karate kicks where he will knock at least 6 people of the stage.
Oh yes the person who has said that females are the weaker sex has obviously not attended punju weddings. Aunty sumo wrestler would probably scare Mike Tyson, Aunty tribal dance would give any marathon runner competiton for pure stamina and endurance and one just has to see the other assorted aunties performing the twist (incidentally to a song like rang barse) to know that the meek will never ever inherit the world.
** Disclaimer - I am Punju myself and I love all things Punjabi. This is just a humorous version and no offence is meant to any community ( I am writing this because there was a person from Canada who had actually threatened griveous harm to me when he had read another version of this).
So without Further ado...
Most punju weddings start with one of these song and dance functions which is imaginatively tilted THE SANGEET. This is the best opportunity for failed actors and dancers to make their presence felt. Shakespeare once said all the world’s a stage but I don't think he had ever realised that people at Punju weddings would take his words this literally.
Major actors present are a bua who has deemed it fit that she will anchor the proceedings with her amazingly sweet voice (that her voice sounds like the mating call of frogs will of course never dawn on her); Another maami(aka aunty sumo wrestler) who has decided that her aim in life is to drag unsuspecting poor people from the crowd and force them to dance and finally aunty drum beater( who will henceforth be referred to as aunty tribal dance for obvious reasons) . There is also another character kown as the spoon beater (unique to punju weddings) whose only job is to hit the dholak with a spoon. Coincidentally this person is tone deaf so what one does get to hear is clang clang without any semblance of a beat whatsoever.
Funnily enough the dancers are divided into 2 lots the aunties and the uncles. The aunties are most eager to dance but the uncles somehow feel more inclined to spend some time with Mr. Johnny Walker. So we have to endure the half hour where the females try to get the males close to the stage so that the function can start.The main idea of the function is to dance at the joyous occasion.
Of course before the dancing we are treated to a fantastic bit of acting by the dude/aunty in question where they say that "no no I don’t wanna dance …. Not me ,,, I cant dance" ( when it is more than apparent that the only thing which they want to do at that time is dance ). Once on stage most people seem to beleive that it is their screen test for the Oscars and they make sure that they put in the performance of a lifetime. Once the person in question comes on stage then his / her ownly aim is to show the audience aerobics, javelin throwing and frisbee catching all in one.
The songs, which are chosen at these occassions, are also keeping in tune with the solemn and sombre occasion. How can I forget the dude who decided to dance to the song "tu cheez badi hai mast mast" to tell his to be wife how mcuh he liked her. Other songs which I have heard are baazigar main baazigar (please please tell me the need for this song) mumbhai (duh ) kallu mama …. Man I can go on and on. Oh yes we will also have the mandatory daler mahendi song where everyone will be forced on to stage and be asked to shake a leg. For this song you will be dragged on stage in all probability by a drunk dude whom yu have never ever met after he will tell yu "bete mere nal tohnoo nachni hi hoga" and then he will proceed to show yu fine karate kicks where he will knock at least 6 people of the stage.
Oh yes the person who has said that females are the weaker sex has obviously not attended punju weddings. Aunty sumo wrestler would probably scare Mike Tyson, Aunty tribal dance would give any marathon runner competiton for pure stamina and endurance and one just has to see the other assorted aunties performing the twist (incidentally to a song like rang barse) to know that the meek will never ever inherit the world.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
The man and the ATM
I was standing in the line for the ATM machine over the weekend. Manav's first corollary on the working of ATM machines was working in full flow. "If at any time an ATM vestibule has n machines n-1 of them will non operational." In this particular case the vestibule had 2 machines one of which was non operational. "
There were about ten people who had queued up behind the single operating machine. However within a minute I was blessed with an appearance of an individual who i will now refer to as the Supreme One. Dressed in denim jacket and jeans with sunglasses over his head, ,He looks around the vestibule with a condescending look and absorbs the scene. He then proceeds to the non working machine and puts his card in. After typing his pin he is shocked that the machine spews an error message. He then wildly looks around at the ten of us and proceeds sheepishly to the back of the line.
As I am not one of the people who possess the inner eye i can just gauge what he could have thought on the basis of his actions. As he walked in , he would have spotted an empty ATM machine and ten people standing behind another one. He then would have reasoned as he was the only one in the world who had been blessed with common sense, it is possible that not even one of the people in the line has managed to spot the empty machine. Offering a silent thank you to God for being the chosen one he would have proceeded to make his way to the empty machine. Of course the rest as they say is history.
On the off chance that this supreme being is reading this blog , I would like to congratulate that person as he has been given the Manav award for being the chosen one. It is good to know that such people do exist and give the rest of us a purpose for existence
Sunday, May 07, 2006
36 China Town
I saw 36 china town yesterday. Well the movie is not a total wash out. However the problem with it is that it takes itself too seriously. It tries to be a thriller when it is anything but the same. The premise of the movie is your standard hindi movie fare. A rich heiress gets murdered and there are a host of people who could have been responsible.
The rich lady is wonderfully played by Isha Kopikar. The directors having recognized the unlimited potential exhibited by her have used her in a role where she has 6 scenes , 5 of which are her playing a corpse.Better use of Ms. Kopikar i have not seen for a really long time. The movie also stars Shahid Kapur who jumps excitedly from frame to frame without any real sense of purpose. Giving him company jumping from screen to screen is his lady love Kareena Kapoor who continues from where she left on in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gum. In other words she is still loud over made up and remarkably irritating. Besides the people above 36 China town also marks the debut of Upen Patel.
Now i will plead ignorance. I did not know who Mr patel was but the lady next to me started screaming wildly and waving her hands going EEEEEE its Upen. That was not very educating and did not explain who Mr. Patel was but i assume he is someone who is considered "Hot". His debut reminds me of the great debut of one Deepak Malhotra many years ago. I do remember seeing his debut in Lamhe. However unlike the plush multiplex where i was watching 36 China Town.I had seen lamhe in the front stall of a shady Calcutta hall. On Deepak Malhotra's debut, there were no one who was wildly screaming EEEEEE its Deepak. In fact if anything the dude next to me(dressed very well in a torn vest and a dirty lungi) commented loudly s**** yeh Ch******** kaun hai ? Anyways Mr. Patel plays a cool playboy in Goa. He calls himself Rocky and has single handedly provided more cheesy lines in this movie than i could have thought of. A sample of this would be " Aapke pitaji terrorist hai kya Aisa bomb aur kaun bana sakta hai"
The movie also stars Akshaye Khanna. I was pleasantly surprised with his performance. As the cop who has been entrusted the task of solving this case he does a very good job. In fact the movie sort of picks up when he is around. The music of the movie is also pretty decent. However i do not understand why Himesh Reshammiya has decided to sing his songs. The music is decent but i do think the voice takes away a lot from the song. Of course thankfully we are spared the sight of the bearded and capped Mr. Reshammiya hollering into a mike with a hand stuck in one pocket of his jeans.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Pick up line ?
I was watching television last night when i saw this really cheesy program on a really cheesy channel. It had Mr. YUPY (young urban punjabi youth ) Vicky Singh trying to entice an equally yuppy punju girl with his amazing charm. To understand the situation you have to really understand how Vicky was dressed. He was one of your comb in the back pocket , goggles in the eye socket type of fellows. Dressed in a t shirt which could only be worn by someone under 1.5 foot and tight jeans, he also had decided to wear dark sunglasses. This of course is a nice thing when the sun is shining hard on your eyes. However if you are in a party in an indoor hotel and it is after 10 PM, do u really need to be wearing the sunglasses. He then proceeds to the lady in pink ( I swear i have not seen so much of pink in my life - not even in Archies on the 14th of Feb) and then dips his leather glove covered hand into a glass and pulls out the ice and crushes it with his boots ( these are boots which would give mountain trekkers a complex). This is followed by the pickup line of the century. " Now that i have broken the ice , can you tell me your name". If that was not revolting enough Pinky decides that this indeed does deserve an exclamation of glee. She promptly says I am Raveena and breaks into hysterical giggles.
Is it just me or is the image shown here a bit disturbing. I understand i am not what one would define as the cool dude but still do women actually like these dialogues? Hmm no wonder my strike rate in this particular department is a big 0. However i would definietly want to improve my succes ratio. As Vicky seems to be the example of a successful ladies man, I shall be following in his foot steps. Let me list down some of the lines which i may be using. (PS - if you are a lady and you are reading this , i beg of you , please run as soon as you see me )
(After bouncing a tennis ball ) - Now that the ball is in your court , would you consider going out with me ?
I need a map as i am getting lost in your eyes
Is there an airport nearby, or is my heart taking off !!
How was heaven when you left it to come down to earth?
Your dad must have been a thief, and stolen stars to put in your eyes !!
Please do let me know your opinion on these. I would have to say that all the last few lines had come from an article on the web. I could not have created them. Am just not that good.
Is it just me or is the image shown here a bit disturbing. I understand i am not what one would define as the cool dude but still do women actually like these dialogues? Hmm no wonder my strike rate in this particular department is a big 0. However i would definietly want to improve my succes ratio. As Vicky seems to be the example of a successful ladies man, I shall be following in his foot steps. Let me list down some of the lines which i may be using. (PS - if you are a lady and you are reading this , i beg of you , please run as soon as you see me )
(After bouncing a tennis ball ) - Now that the ball is in your court , would you consider going out with me ?
I need a map as i am getting lost in your eyes
Is there an airport nearby, or is my heart taking off !!
How was heaven when you left it to come down to earth?
Your dad must have been a thief, and stolen stars to put in your eyes !!
Please do let me know your opinion on these. I would have to say that all the last few lines had come from an article on the web. I could not have created them. Am just not that good.
Monday, May 01, 2006
What is it with the new soft drink ads. I think the real competition is to decided which one is trying to come up with the worse advertisement for their products.
First we had the ad with Aishwarya Rai and the "thande ka tadka". Is this what they spent tons of money and hours of creative effort on? So one has to whistle with a coke bottle in their hand and then they will not be rude "dude" . Ye Gods what is wrong with the creative team that came up with this ad. More importantly , maybe i dont understand marketing or get it , but somehow i really do not think this is it.
If this was not bad enough, Pepsi came up with a worse ad. The ads started with teasers saying "Pepsi TV" is coming and is worth watching. I even remember seeing certain articles in the newspaper which said that they saw Pepsi in conversation with Ekta Kapoor. Of course that would lead to "Kyonki Pepsi Bhi Soft Drink Hai". However after loads of teasers, we were treated to an ad that insulted all possible senses. Apparently after months of exhaustive research Pepsi has discovered that one of the main things that people do when they sit at home is watch tv. Thus they came up with this commercial which preaches that drinking pepsi will make the channels more exciting. Now i do not watch a lot of what comes on tv but i defy anyone to make one of the norml 9 - 11 family soaps more bubbly - No it does not happen not even with a crate of Pepsi.
The Thums Up ad on the other hand has a wild banshee looking Akshay kumar standing on top of a lighthouse and playing the drums. While i would seriously advocate such behaviour if you were an inmate of the Ranchi madhouse but for all othe normal people , this is definitely a no no.
Having said that , I really like the Limca ad. It does get its point across. We should have more of those. I really like that jingle. It is amazing.
First we had the ad with Aishwarya Rai and the "thande ka tadka". Is this what they spent tons of money and hours of creative effort on? So one has to whistle with a coke bottle in their hand and then they will not be rude "dude" . Ye Gods what is wrong with the creative team that came up with this ad. More importantly , maybe i dont understand marketing or get it , but somehow i really do not think this is it.
If this was not bad enough, Pepsi came up with a worse ad. The ads started with teasers saying "Pepsi TV" is coming and is worth watching. I even remember seeing certain articles in the newspaper which said that they saw Pepsi in conversation with Ekta Kapoor. Of course that would lead to "Kyonki Pepsi Bhi Soft Drink Hai". However after loads of teasers, we were treated to an ad that insulted all possible senses. Apparently after months of exhaustive research Pepsi has discovered that one of the main things that people do when they sit at home is watch tv. Thus they came up with this commercial which preaches that drinking pepsi will make the channels more exciting. Now i do not watch a lot of what comes on tv but i defy anyone to make one of the norml 9 - 11 family soaps more bubbly - No it does not happen not even with a crate of Pepsi.
The Thums Up ad on the other hand has a wild banshee looking Akshay kumar standing on top of a lighthouse and playing the drums. While i would seriously advocate such behaviour if you were an inmate of the Ranchi madhouse but for all othe normal people , this is definitely a no no.
Having said that , I really like the Limca ad. It does get its point across. We should have more of those. I really like that jingle. It is amazing.
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